Thursday, January 19, 2006

Am I home?

Well, I am back home...yes, home. This has come to be the place where I lay my head down at night. But is it home? What are all the cute sayings, "Home is where the heart is." "There's no place like home." "Home, sweet, home." "Home is where you hang your hat."

Yes, it is home. I have missed several things...including the crazy yet considerate driving. I am even accustomed to the long waits and unanswered questions.

However, I miss Nashville. Well, not even Nashville. I miss my family and dear friends. I miss the church that has supported and encouraged me every step of the way. I wish I could just relocate them into Teguc. But we know that isn't possible. So, what can be done?

Do I stay where I feel closest to God and moved by Him daily? Do I stay where, even through some frustrations, I feel I am following His will? Do I stay where I actually feel at home?

Or do I get selfish, and move home for the luxuries? Or for the family and friends I miss having daily interactions with?

Just writing my thoughts as they come. I wish the answers were easy. But they aren't. To anyone and everyone reading this blog, please send up a small prayer for the girl who has to decide soon which part of her heart she needs to follow.

Love you all,
Jennifer Michelle, Sissy, Jen, Jen-nifer, Payasita, Noj, and simply put Jennifer

2 comments:

dbrat4christ said...

I think Maceio', Brazil is your calling (Remember about the whole God telling me in a dream thing?)!
Incidentally, I did e-mail Terry Reeves about bringing Torch to Maceio, with the intent of taking Torch to Recife, Aracaju, Joao Pessoa, etc. over the next few years. So in other words, you could spend the rest of your life in Brazil, and you did say you wanted to work for Torch and you could be apart from the very start!
I did also invite Terry to come this summer to survey with me. I haven't heard back from him yet.
In all seriousness, I would LOVE to have you as part of our team in Brazil and you would be a very valuable assest to the mission there, but you have to follow your heart. You can't let ANYONE make that decesion for you, not family or friends. That is just between you and God and as long as you trust God, He will guide you!
Just know, though, that where ever you go, God is going to use you because you have a heart for God!
I really do not think God has a preference where you go as long as you do His Will. After all, if you do go back to TN, the states are a very big mission field in itself. I will be praying for you (to go to Brazil, ha ha!) and trust that God will be with you in making your decision (to go to Brazil)! Sorry, I'm just getting into the whole subliminal message thing!
Either way, I Love You and am very supportive of you! As you know, you are an inspiration to me because of the way you were able to pursue God's Will, even without the support of your family! What a HEART for God!
Keep me posted!
Love ya, Danny B.

Jen said...

Oh my dear friend...sometimes it seems like your heart literally is split right in half doesn't it??!! As if there's this part of you that absolutely couldn't imagine being anywhere else because of the way you get filled and the way you are able to pour out here. It's the beauty of desperation for a holy God that gets me here knowing that I am and will never be enough. And then there's that part of you that misses people so bad you can almost feel a physical ache in your chest because you've walked miles together and been real with one another and your hearts got tied in the middle of all of that. I definitely can understand that. Just wanted to remind you that I am praying that God will show you clearly what He is asking of you at this point in the journey remembering that nothing has to be forever and that He will always see you through. I appreciate your heart and the huge desire you have to chase hard after His heart. He never ever turns down the heart of a seeker! He'll be faithful to your heart for sure.

Love ya.